The Gift of Uncertainty

I have decided uncertainty is a gift. 

It was stressful enough that my 93-year-old mother was hospitalized with a stroke, but now we discovered she had shared a room for two days with an active COVID patient. Also, I had spent almost every afternoon for the past two weeks with my mom, so I too was exposed. So yes, the COVID test is not fun but I am not suffering like my mother is. I could write a blog post just on my admiration for the workers doing these tests day-in day-out. But I digress.

After some deep breathing, I found myself being a curious Co-Active coach... what am I learning? What is it to “be” with this uncertain situation? As the Buddhists say, “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

I turned to Steven Covey’s work around Circles of Concern and Influence. Below is a graphic that explains. I considered what was in my control, what I could influence, and what were concerns over which I had no control or influence. 

With more breathing and checking in with my body, I reminded myself I was doing everything I possibly could to influence the situation. I was calling her regularly, communicating with the health professionals and other family members and friends. I was concerned but could not take away my mother’s suffering and pain. I was concerned but could do nothing about the COVID that was circling around my mother (and possibly me). Definitely no control over the concerns. What did I need to let go of?

I am not saying this is easy. Not at all. But looking at the uncertainty this way gave me some tools to manage. I could decide which things I could influence and which ones I couldn't. I could see where my influence was making a difference. And I could let go of trying to control those things I had no control over. The uncertainty gave me this opportunity, a gift. 

My mom and I talk on the phone at night about putting our worries onto the clouds outside her window. They quietly float by and away. She likes that. 

As your Co-Active coach, I ask you, what are your “Gifts of Uncertainty” this season? 

Jo